Bittersweet
by Seti Star
Summary: Leon x Yuffie. Leon's dreams have been nothing short of disturbing, in his mind... and who knows what the others would think?
1. First Time?

He was burning up and all he could hear was heavy breathing and her whining his name into his shoulder.

It was funny, because he barely noticed the fact that she called him "Squall", not "Leon". It was stranger still that he didn't care. All he noticed was him and her and the feel of her, of her fingernails raking down his arms, of the cotton sheets beneath his sweating palms. Quick fingers tangled through his hair, stronger ones through hers; hot breath cooled the sweat along taut lines in his chest as her lips formed his name.

Eventually they fell into one another, skin on skin. At some point after that, he collapsed on the bed next to her as her whimpers faded away, along with the room. It was always then that he awoke in a sticky sweat, alone and cold in his bed.

He couldn't exactly tell anyone about these dreams- after all, the two of them were nearly ten years apart, and although they were _both_ adults now, with the length of time this had been going on, the only thing running through everyone, through anyone's mind would be that he was insane and disgusting and a dirty old man who needed to be kept far, far away. But he wasn't. He didn't act on it. Besides that, it really couldn't be considered his fault. She drove him crazy, and there was nothing he could do about it. Blame his mind, his overactive imagination.

I mean, it wasn't like he tried to have the dreams every night (_did anyone really try to dream anything?_) It just kind of, well, happened. Every night, she was there in _every fantasy_. And so, every night, he went through the sweetest torture imaginable. A torture he had come to crave; a torture that, like any other, was seared into his mind even when it was over. The first dream, the one that always just faded away, would never fade from his mind.

It was agony nevertheless, feeling her body beneath his, knowing that all this was an illusion that would disappear the moment he opened his eyes. That none of it had ever happened, and likely never would. That she didn't know, couldn't know, probably damn well _didn't want to know_. But he could dream, couldn't he?

He wouldn't give up his bittersweet dreams for anything in the world.

Except, maybe, his dreams made real. (_But wouldn't we all?_)

xxx

_Hello and thank you for reading this story. You might also want to check out its companion piece, "Uncertainties". This was originally intended as a one-shot, but not only have some reviewers stated that they'd like to read more, I have more ideas and want to write more. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and will come back for more!_

_Oh, and I suppose I should let you know, there _will _be some "strong language" in future entries, but it will be minimal._

_Acerah_


	2. Grand Cover Up

Yuffie was loud, annoying, and way too cheerful. And she damn well knew it.

When someone is talking and talking and just won't stop, it's usually enough to drive anyone crazy. But perhaps "anyone" wouldn't go as far as Leon did. It was a simple enough gesture: cover her mouth.

Okay, so he covered her mouth with his and she ended up pinned against a wall... although, he supposed that most people in this particular situation would have ended up somewhere more comfortable, like, say, a bed? Then again, why the hell was he thinking about comfort at a time like this?

He was 26; she was _only 17 for God's sake!_

Yeah, comfort was the last thing he needed to worry about.

He was older, stronger, and bigger than she was. Even if she had been inclined to do so- which, of course, she wasn't, because this was a dream- she wouldn't be able to push him away. And even though it was all just a dream _(always just a dream)_, he felt like he was somehow taking advantage of her. He just couldn't help but be disgusted at himself for all the things he had never done to her.

Sometimes he forgot that, though, and would wake up in the middle of the night, unable to remember when and how he had gotten into bed. He could remember bruises on collarbones and blood on lips and a cold stone wall in some far away corner of the castle, but not getting into bed.

After a period of confusion, he would realise that, as far as he was aware, he had been in his bed all night and the sheets were soaked with sweat. Again.

Sometimes he wondered what the others would do if he ever did push her up against the wall and kiss her and let his hands roam eve-ry-where...

The others probably thought the obsession he seemed to have with washing his laundry was odd, even unhealthy. What was he supposed to tell them? That he woke up in the middle of the night covered in sweat because he had vivid dreams that usually made him wake up feeling crazy and cold and nauseous and like he was going _fucking __insane_?

But that would lead to questions, and there was only so long he could keep a lie going. So whatever they believed, he let them. It was better for them to think what they wanted about it and not ask questions, rather than him telling them exactly what was going on and having to explain it all.

Somehow, he didn't think it would ever go over well with them.

xxx

_Hi everyone! I know it's been a year and a half or so since this was updated, and... I'm sorry about the really long delay; I honestly thought I had uploaded this second chapter a long time ago, and yesterday discovered that I hadn't. Anyways, I'm working on the third chapter and will hopefully be done so I can upload it by next Friday. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Also check out this story's companion piece, "Uncertainties"._

_You may have noticed that there are a couple things in each chapter that relates to that particular entry's title (like a pun, if you will). If you have a word/phrase you think would be interesting, or if there's anything you'd like to see, please feel free to suggest it.  
_

_Acerah_


	3. Frustrations

Leon felt like everything was out of control. Out of _his_ control.

Occasional meaningless encounters had eased those feelings, even if only a little and for a little while. Eventually he realised that the semblance of choice was just making it worse; not only that, but he wanted something _more_. He wanted a unique person, not just another human being. And Yuffie...

Even knowing that nothing could ever happen between them, he decided to never again have a one-night stand. They felt _wrong _and, more importantly, he was never thinking about the task at hand. He was thinking about how this was twisting out of control and how much he didn't want to be there and how much he wanted _her_ instead...

_(...and how could he make them understand?) _It wasn't like he was getting his hopes up... okay, maybe just a little. Just another thing he couldn't control. But he was in control of his mind, his _dreams_, right?

Yes, he was in control of his dreams, and that was why they all felt _right_. That was why he knew the answer before he knew the question: she was a ninja, and that was why everything was off so easily. Belts, clothes... _(...all except the turn on)_

She was young- too young- and that was why she hesitated. She was small- too small- and that was why it was so easy to flip her around and pin her down when he was finally tired of (or was it more like "tempted by"?) her teasing.

And then it was his turn to tease, to tantalise, to give and take and give and take until he just couldn't take it anymore and then some.

It was like a painting, a work of art: skin coloured yellow, red, maybe even some purple here and there from fingertips and hands and lips; textured with scratches, scrapes and bite marks from fingernails and teeth fumbling in the dark.

...Leon was not exactly _gentle_, but then, neither was she. Not in his dreams, at least. In his dreams it didn't matter that he had only ever known one type of touch, or that he honestly had no idea what he was doing. It didn't matter that nothing was real.

If he could, he would stay asleep forever.

But then he would never see her again.

He wasn't sure if he dreamed about her because he was attracted to her, or if he was attracted to her because he dreamed about her. Either way, the dreams were just a new semblance of "choice", and as much as they comforted him in his sleep, he needed something that was actually real. He couldn't just live in a dream.

Maybe she wasn't his, but at least he knew she wasn't really an illusion; she was _real_, though she was always just out of his reach. When he was awake he could see her, smell her, hear her, sometimes feel her... and he knew she was real, and he knew that even the girl of his dreams had some basis in reality. She wasn't just a figment of his imagination; he wasn't going crazy.

Maybe he was, but at least he wasn't _there_ yet.

And he sure as hell wasn't the one driving.

**xox**

_Here you go with another installment. Reviews and constructive criticism are always appreciated, of course, and if you have any suggestions, feel free to throw them at me. If you're also reading "Uncertainties", that should be updated by the end of the week._

_Also, in a week and a half, I'll be leaving on vacation for two weeks. I'll do my best to update before and also during my vacation._

_Thanks for reading!_

_Acerah_


	4. A Book He Should've Burned: Entry One

** - - - - (****YUFFIE****) **

**...is driving me crazy**

March 3, H.Y. 6, 6:13 AM

This is not happening. This _cannot_ be happening. I'm 22, damn it, she's a 13-year-old. I know that a lot of this is biology- I mean, she doesn't exactly _look _completely like a child anymore, even though she still acts like she's three- but I'd like to think that I'm better than that.

I told you before that I've noticed her- a few times. In fact, I noticed her yesterday while we were training. What do you want me to do, pretend I wasn't looking? It's not like _she_ knows. She's not_ going_ to know. _No one_ is _ever_ going to know. Just because Cloud has admitted to being distracted by her stomach when she does back flips (well, among other distracting things) doesn't mean I have to.

But all of that is _not_ what I particularly care about. I had another dream about her last night, and as much as I don't want to do this, if I don't get it out of my head this time I'm going to go _insane_. This just isn't right. She's 13 and I've known her since she was 6... I guess it would've been worse if this had started back then. Hell, I would've shot myself or let the Heartless get me or_ SOMETHING_. That would just be _beyond_ wrong. And I'm procrastinating because I'm ALMOST afraid to write this down. (Okay, so maybe I am afraid... I guess I can tell _you_ that.)

Okay, okay, OKAY, I'll get to the damn dream already. I guess I'll just come right out and say that in my dream, I, Leon Hart (as all the "official" papers now say is my last name because apparently I can't legally have only one name which is a stupid rule), had a disturbing dream of... _fuck_, I slept with a thirteen year old in my dreams.

I was going to say that Aerith would kill me if she found this and saw such a "distasteful word", as she would say, but then I realised that the phrase "I slept with a thirteen year old" came up right after it. Let's see, Aerith would kill me, Cid would kill me, Cloud would probably just punch me in the face and let Aerith take care of the rest, and Yuffie would probably be scarred for life. Not like we aren't all scarred for life already. The Heartless already made sure of that.

Arguably, it's not like I... _propositioned_ her in my dream. SHE kissed ME and it was HER tongue in MY mouth. Which I guess is just as bad, since it's my brain. But it's not like I went, hey, I want to have a dream about Yuffie! Of all people for me to dream about...

Did I also mention that it wasn't my bed? Which still doesn't make a difference, because I share a room with her anyways, so which bed is beside the point. It could've been on the floor for all the difference it makes. And her bed makes sense, because it's closest to the door and she's the one who started it. She pushed me down and yanked my gloves off before doing anything else. She stripped me down and essentially made me do the same to her. SHE was on top of ME. It's not like I was making her do anything; in fact, it was the other way around.

When I woke up, I kind of wondered how the hell she was so _good_. She's only thirteen, first of all, and I'm not sure she even knows what a boy is. She's never been on a date in her life, and I don't think I've ever seen her so much as _look_ at anyone. Then I turned over, saw her in her own bed (fast asleep, of course), and remembered that I had just woken up and it was all a dream. It felt so _real_ though... I can still remember her lips and hands and body and the way she moved... the way she laughed, the way she breathed, the way her skin felt...

I don't think she's even five feet tall just yet.

Now that I think about it, it kind of reminded me of...

I can't even remember her name anymore. All I can really remember is that she had dark hair, liked to wear blue, and liked to tease me for being, well, me. I also remember that she kissed me first, so maybe that's where it's coming from.

Maybe Yuffie is just a stand-in for this Somebody-I-Don't-Know. But a part of me feels that that's not it. Something feels different. Or maybe I'm just thinking too much.

Or maybe it IS different. Maybe... maybe it's...

Not going to finish that one.

**xox**

_Hello again! I'm leaving for vacation tomorrow and I'll be gone for to weeks, so I made this chapter a bit longer to make up for the next one potentially being shorter or perhaps late (which this chapter sort of is). This particular chapter isn't explicitly a dream; it's a journal entry that goes with chapters two and three of "Uncertainties". Anyways, I'll write while I'm travelling and during all my downtime, and I hope to have a new chapter by next Sunday. I hope you'll read again._

_Acerah_


	5. Little Black Dress

It was just a simple black dress. Nothing particularly revealing- it even went all the way to her knees. (This, he supposed, meant it was formal wear for daytime events, but he'd forgive her for it this time). It did, however, showcase her shoulders in a way he had never seen, and it clung in all the right places. Add in the curled hair, touch of make up, and complementary jewellery (all courtesy of Aerith), and...

Yuffie looked nothing short of amazing.

She looked surprisingly delicate, too- he had never realised just how small she was, how slight the curve of her hips were.

He didn't want to stop staring, but he had to. And it was all right, because eventually he was _dancing_ with her. For the life of him, he couldn't remember why he was doing it, but there he was, his hand clasping hers. She especially enjoyed twirling around, like she did in the rain sometimes. He couldn't help but smile, because while she looked very much like a child right now... she really had grown up.

It was funny how the smallest change could change everything. She was no longer a girl, she was a woman. She could be beautiful instead of cute for a change.

And he didn't feel so bad about the way he felt about her.

At the moment, he wasn't quite sure why he felt so awful about this in the first place. Maybe he had just noticed all along what had been lying beneath her outward appearance, whatever the hell _that_ meant.

"Yuffie?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"Everything."

"I'm sorry, too. I know I shouldn't have read your journal."

"Yuffie, I can't be-"

**xox**

_Hiya! I'll admit I've been procrastinating, but I also wanted "Uncertainties" to catch up a little. As you may notice, this is directly linked to "Uncertainties", and those last couple lines may not make sense if you haven't read it. I'll tie them in to the next section of "Bittersweet" somehow._

_I'm going to be a bit busy for a while, so Bittersweet may only be updated every other week._

_Anyways, hopefully I'll see you around next time!_

_Acerah_


End file.
